SPEEDRUN

[CAMERA FADES IN ON A TEENAGER]
TEEN: “Hi, my name is Trayleb Wessen Smith, and I speedrun movies”

[TITLE FRAME: “MOVIE SPEEDRUNNERS”]

TRAYLEB: “I started, like everyone, speed running my favorite Disney films, then did some Harry Potters, but I’ve been recently been branching out and getting ready to speed run the Transformer franchise movies”

INTERVIEWER: “Are you good?”

TRAYLEB: “Yeah, I’m tied for a bunch of world records”

[NARRATOR: “Movie speed running is a major driver of traffic on popular streaming sites like frumpf, blarf, and burf”]

DIFFERENT TEENAGER FACING CAMERA: “Old people used to tell us ‘oh you can’t speedrun movies, you have to speedrun games’, but speed running has always been about doing the impossible. People used to think that you couldn’t beat mario brothers until speed runner did it, and now we’re showing them that yes, you can speed run movies”

[NARRATOR: This is Harry Griffindor Tetanus. He’s holder of many world records in 60’s war films]

HARRY: “People assume I have to speedrun Harry Potter cause of my name, but that’s just what my parents were into. Me and my sibling are all either named Harry or Potter.”

[NARRATOR: Harry and Trayleb will be competing for the first ever Transformers 2 speedrun at this years AMDQ, with proceeds going to charity]

TRAYLEB: “I have to say my fans really keep me going”

[CAMERA SHOWING HIS STREAM CHANNEL’S CHAT ROOM WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE POSTING BLURRY ANIMATED GIFS AT 10 PIXEL RESOLUTION. IT’S SCROLLING VERY QUICKLY]

TRAYLEB: “I’ve been practicing the Transformers movies a lot off-stream, and I think I have a really good shot at this”

INTERVIEWER: “You practice off stream?”

TRAYLEB: “Yeah, I stream my runs about 6-7 hours a day, but I also practice on my phone while going to bed or at school. This is my life.”

[NARRATOR: TRAYLEB IS A TOP 100 STREAMER AND MAKES HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS DOLLARS PER MONTH, MOSTLY FROM FAN DONATIONS AND HIS CORPORATE ENDORSEMENTS.]

TRAYLEB: “I’m sponsored by Colt Rifles and the Two Racist Guys Talk About Immigration podcast.”

HARRY: “Transformers 2 is a really bad movie. Sometimes I hate to speedrun it, but then again there’s a charm to the really bad movies. Like wow, these people really made this and released it. Maybe there’s something important to how they released a bad movie, you know?”

[INTERVIEWER NODS]

HARRY: “Like maybe you think bad is good and good is good too. Speedrunning teaches you a lot about yourself”

[CUT TO COMPETITION ROOM, HARRY AND TRAYLEB ARE ON SEPARATE COUCHES AND WATCHING DIFFERENT TVS. TRAYLEB IS WEARING A COLT RIFLE ON HIS BACK, HARRY IS EATING HAMDINGERS AND HOLDING THE CAN SO THAT THE LABEL FACES THE CAMERA. BOTH ARE 10 MINUTES INTO TRANSFORMERS 2. THE ROOM IS PACKED WITH FANS AND HUSHED]

INTERVIEWER FACING CAMERA, QUIETLY: “We are 10 minutes into the movie. This is extremely close. They’re both on World Record speeds”

[MONTAGE OF MOVIE RUNNING AND TRAYLEB AND HARRY WATCHING UNTIL BOTH MOVIES FINISH AT WHAT APPEARS TO BE THE SAME TIME]

LOUDSPEAKER: “Time! I’m excited to announce we have a world record!”

[CROWD SCREAMING]

LOUDSPEAKER: “Actually we have two world records!”

[CROWD SCREAMING LOUDER]

LOUDSPEAKER: “It’s a tie! Trayleb and Harry are both world record holders for Transformers 2]

[CROWD JUST UTTERLY LOSING IT]

[FADE TO BLACK, FADE IN, HARRY AND TRAYLEB BOTH AT AN AFTERPARTY]

INTERVIEWER: “Do you think movie speedrunning is the future?”
HARRY: “Yeah”
TRAYLEB: “I mean, yeah. Maybe people will find something else to speedrun later, I don’t know”
INTERVIEW: “Like books maybe?”
HARRY: “That’s dumb. Movies have an end, how can someone know they’ve finished a book?”
TRAYLEB: “I don’t know, people used to say you can’t speedrun a movie, so maybe they’ll find a way”
HARRY: “No, that’s stupid”

[BOTH HEAD OVER TO SNACK TABLE AND START LIVESTREAMS THANKING THEIR FANS]

FADE, CREDITS